i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
