i jhust puked up my retainher.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
