I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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