Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
