I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
