Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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