oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
