I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish i was in the wii world.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
