i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
