It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
