Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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