Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
