Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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