My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
