You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
