So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
