It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
