Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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