U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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