Can i not drive my cunt home
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
