on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
