Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
