I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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