Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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