I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
