Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
