I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
