im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
