nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
