As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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