I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
