having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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