Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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