I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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