i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
