i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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