I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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