non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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