How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
