i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
