i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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