You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
