chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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