If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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