My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize