I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
