if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
