Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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