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I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
