he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
