Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

(260): View more from Indiana

He probs deserved it.

(317): View more from Indiana

Every good man does.

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(954): View more from Florida

We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.

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(509): View more from Washington

I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.

(802): View more from Vermont

Campus is too small for this to keep happening

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(561): View more from Florida

ok first of all what the fuck

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