i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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