i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your penis caused this!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
