I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize