so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
