I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
