Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
