Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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