No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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