i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
