take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
