I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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