You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
