There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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