last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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