so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
