Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
