If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
