Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
